To be completely honest, I place quite an unfair amount of pressure on myself. It is true that I have always thought that I am the best at everything I do and that I knew a lot of things but right now, I have come to realize that I know next to nothing. The awareness of my lack of knowledge prompted a full-blown existential crisis coupled with a massive dip in confidence and self-esteem. Battling depression and holding the fragments of my life together has left me a shadow of my former self. Presently, instead of being fully focused on recovering, I am filled with anxiety about how long it will take to get my life back on track; I get worried anytime I am being surpassed by other people and the worry increases when I see them achieving goals I have set out for myself while I seem to be making no progress.
The right steps to take will be for me to close myself to the news that worries me, take a break from the internet and use the time to actually learn the things I thought I knew and many other things too. However, it is hard to learn when there is a constant ache in your head and a hole in your stomach that nothing seems to fill, when it feels like the world is pressing down on you with the full might of its weight and getting out of bed requires double the amount of energy a footballer expends running round the pitch for 90 minutes. Life is hard and I really do hope that it becomes easier.
